I recently was sent a “give me 10 facts about yourself” message. This never happens and so I listed some very basic facts about myself out of sheer panic (maybe not panic but close enough) but now I’ve decided to re-take the test. These are like the tales I share when I’ve been drinking but I haven’t been drinking so…. uh…


1. Once I drove to Taco Bell in a snowstorm, with 3 inches of snow on top of my car, because I really wanted chalupas. A police officer stopped me on the way back home and asked me what I was doing out in this weather and why I didn’t clear off my car, I lied and said I was sick and had to go to CVS but really I just needed a god damn chalupa. Sorry m’officer, it was an emergency…

2. Since I’m on the topic of how impulsive I am, I once ordered a huge box of custom lollipops from this ebay store. They were quite cheap because they were “defective” since some of them had melted a little bit. I hid the box under my bed and got sores in my mouth from eating so many lollipops. I still dream about the banana and sweet tea ones.

3. Once when I was about 7 years old I went into the kitchen where my dad and a few of his friends were playing cards and I walked up to who I thought was my dad sitting in a chair and hugged him from behind, turns out it was his friend and I was so embarrassed that I started bawling my eyes out.

4. Remember those round bath soap things people use to have in their bathrooms, well one time I ate one. I clearly remember walking in the bathroom and spotting the round balls and thinking “ooh, candy in the bathroom, great idea!” and then getting a mouth full of soap…. I'm still waiting for someone to get on top of that balls of bathroom candy idea. That sounds so gross... I mean actual candy, people!

5. Last night I had a dream that I won $300,000 so after jumping up and down in excitement and of course, crying, I started to plan a trip to Europe. I mean I literally dreamed about sitting at a desk, smiling like a fool, and planning a trip on Expedia (or whatever travel site). I woke up pretty sad when I didn’t see a check for $300,000 next to me.

6. I use to fall asleep in class because I was up all night in chat rooms and playing The Sims. When a guidance counselor tried to earnestly ask me what was going on in my life I just shrugged, it just seemed too lame to admit the truth.

7. I busted my lip open in elementary school after I slid on sand and slid face first into a pole. I was chasing after a boy, it was our recess activity that I pretty much continued into my early 20’s with very similar results.

8. I hate corn. Seriously, if you put that shit in my face I will bite you.

8.5 I’m a biter… I've calmed down with age but beware.

9. A teacher in high school use to constantly write on my papers “stop using the word well in your writings” and WELL, *dances* I CAN’T STOP *dance, dance, dance*

10. Once on a field trip to the Smithsonian I went up to the second floor overlooking a huge crowd of people and from above the fossils i yelled, “I love…<insert elementary school crush name here>” at the top of my lungs. My friends and I laughed about it for quite a bit.

I figured I should put at least one random picture of myself drinking a shirley temple because it kind of fits with the general randomness of this list.