Thursday, July 2, 2015
I finally saw 'Jurassic World', my husband and I had planned on seeing it in 3D but then we got there, bought the tickets, and then the theater was down. However, we just saw a later showing and I got to explore a fancy-shmacy grocery store nearby (I was really tempted by some midnight brownie cookies but I couldn't bring myself to spend $4.99 on a tiny bag). I remember seeing the first movie in a crowded theater when I was a little kid, we sat in the two front seats with my mom and stepdad and my brother and I basically had to sit on the floor. I liked Jurassic World but not as much as I liked Jurassic Park. I'm going to buy it when it comes out either way. Also Chris Pratt is yummy, like really yummy, I don't mean that in an edible way (dinosaurs might think so... but not I).



I tried to dress Dino themed but I realized I had no clothing or accessories that are dino themed. BOO, you whore. I need to work on that. So I improvised and wore a lip shirt to improve my visible tastiness to dinosaurs all around (I'm making that up, I just liked the shirt and just recently bought it) and lots of green accessories (of which you can't see in any of my pictures but... I did). I even wore my galaxy chic palette in asteroid, comet, and meteor as a nod so to speak. 

I will be doing a current post soon but I figured a Clever Girl post was necessary. Rawr.

 



Monday, June 15, 2015
It has been awhile but the CURRENT posts are baccckkkkk and I've decided to mix it up because why the hell not?



Current TV shows: Game of Thrones - of course. I have a tried and true system of having my husband watch it first and then break the news to me if anything heartbreaking happened so I can *prepare*. I have stomped out of the room, thrown pillows, declared I will stop watching 15 times, and sobbed like a banshee one too many times so the system is a necessity. Halt and Catch Fire. Orange is the New Black. Does the good television ever end? (well yes, because Mad Men just ended).


Current crush: Ruby Rose. Is it just me or does she look like a Monster High Doll with tattoos? That face though... heart eyes heart eyes. Lee Pace is pretty dreamy too and so tall. Liv Tyler, forever and always.

Current nail situation: My fingers are naked (ruhomgz!) and will remain so. My feet are a disaster, a pedicure is needed!

Current can't stop laughing picture/video: Watch dis

Current music: I know I've mentioned this 9403 times but The Lost Boys soundtrack. I'm addicted.

You Are the Generation That Bought More Shoes and You Get What You Deserve - Johnny Boy // Cocteau Twins - Persephone // Cocteau Twins - The Tinderbox (of a heart) // James Dean - Transylvania // Twin Shadows - Five Seconds


Current print: I'm really into eye prints, lip prints, and aliens. The only real new thing there is the eye print but I can't get enough of it.

Current favorite food: Coral Reef Cakes by Little Debbie. I'm 9 years old...

Current frustration: Been having epic tummy and back issues. IT IS THE SUCK. Stop it.


Current triumph: Well, I don't want to jinx anything so we'll see how it goes. Also my body confidence has been soaring, I've gone many places without a cardigan, yes ladies.. I'm talking naked arms. Exposed. Out for everyone to see. I'm still a little shy at times but every single day gets easier. It is too hot and humid, no more suffering!

Current plans: Lunch with friends tomorrow and MOVIES. I want to see about 4 things that are out right now but I've been trying to avoid the crowds. Me no likie crowds. New experiences (as I said, don't want to jinx anything). People coming over for games and fun on Saturday. NAP. I can't wait for that freakin' nap.



Current cuddle partner: Hero.

Current suggested links: Save Bobcats // PopReal

Current wishlist: Eye striped shirt / Mustard halter dress / Scoop Neck "Floral" Pattern Tank / Green Sequin Spaghetti Top / Lip skirt / Lace Bralette / Eye Oh my Hair Pin / Red Wrap Dress / Window Film for bedroom and bathroom / Agate everything / Just Dance 2 for Xbox One / A watch


Monday, June 8, 2015



I'm not sure how to start this post so I guess that means I should just jump right in, cannon ball style! I struggle with anger issues, I've honestly seen myself grow in a positive way in the last few years but I still have a hard time with it. What sparked this post, and I apologize if I'm coming off a bit ranty in my last few posts but these are things I need to get off my chest, was the community Oh No They Didn't and their reaction to an article on Tess Holliday. You can read the article and the comments through a quick google search, I don't want to link it because honestly, both the comments and the article came off as bias and rude. I don't know Tess Holliday personally, I've never met her, I follow her on pretty much every social networking site but I don't know her. She comes off to me as a strong, beautiful, passionate, and determined woman and has since I started following her around 2011/2012. I can relate to her in a lot of ways and have witnessed the vile comments and outrage her presence seems to bring out in people. I have also seen a rush of support and kindness from people in her posts but the vile comments are not a rarity either. As a larger person I have experienced some of those vile comments myself but nothing to the scale or consistency that she has. It is not easy to deal with all that negativity from people. I briefly scanned through the article so the implications of racism I don't recall so I will have to read it further.

I can relate to her story in many ways. I was bullied, as you probably know from reading my blog, really terribly throughout high school and it made me very angry, defensive, sad, and bitter. I also didn't have the most stable relationship with a step-parent who also made me feel very similarly. I was angry at the world, I was angry towards men (the main bullies in my life were male), and I was angry towards the people who witnessed it occurring and did nothing to help. It is not easy being surrounded by people constantly telling you and showing you "I don't like you", especially when you feel so deeply misunderstood by those people. How is someone supposed to approach someone who is being rude or mean to them? How is someone supposed to approach people who turn their back to you while people are trying to torture you? If you have not experienced this I don't know if you'd understand how awful it is. If you have not experienced this you don't know what it does to how you approach people and society. I have anxiety and get extremely nervous meeting almost anyone new. In the back of my mind I think they are going to see me and see a fat girl and automatically dislike me because of that reason alone. Sometimes in defense to this I try really hard to make them like me by cracking lots of jokes, sometimes I choose to just be quiet and withdrawn, and other times I can be sarcastic and standoffish. I admit on more than one occasion I have seen or expected someones reaction to me be negative and I responded with a snarl and a huge defensive wall and overly sarcastic remarks. It is a defensive mechanism and something I have administered sometimes without any regrets and other times have felt very badly about. I'm also a person who deals with chronic pain in my back, anxiety, and depression so my moods can be up and down. This is something I desperately am trying to work on and repair. 
 
I think about the people who have been around me when I've been stressed out, sad, in a lot of pain, or having not the best of days and worry that they must think I'm someone I'm not. I am not awful. I am not miserable. I try really hard not to take my bad days or feelings out on people. However, I don't regret trying to stand up for myself when it is needed however I do regret being defensive without a real reason. People like to preach things like "you catch more flies with honey" but sometimes it can be really difficult when the moment you approach someone they are giving you the stink eye or radiating a bad vibe or a vibe like "get away from me".

I've grown with love from an amazing man and friends who are never cruel to me. I've grown from being in more supportive and kind environments but I continue to struggle with my past and we all have a past. Empathy is something I desperately try to have in my life at all times but I'm not perfect and I struggle sometimes. We all struggle. I try to live by the philosophy of "be kind, be empathetic, but take no shit and don't be afraid to speak up". I don't know if that is the best philosophy but I'm growing and learning all the time as people do. We have to be the change we want to be in the world. I don't know where I heard that quote but I know I heard it somewhere. My entire point is that things can be taken out of context, give people a chance, we all say and do things that we might not necessarily mean.

...Side note... when I make posts like this I always feel the need to post a rando picture of myself but I don't know why. Is that weird? I just feel like a lot of people skip text posts without at least one picture thrown in the mix? I don't know...



Thursday, May 21, 2015

It is incredible how we have all been taught to see someone's physical appearance as a direct indication of their worth, value, and representation of their character. How attractive you are or aren't according to society can totally change the behavior of the people around you. What does it really matter? What does it truly indicate about who someone really is. Yes, I experience physical attraction like everyone else. Everybody does. Humans of course have their natural instincts. Being born appearing one way versus the other should not directly influence your path in life or acceptability in society. 

I know I'm lucky to have been born with certain physical attributes, some of which I can help and others I cannot. Of course there is plastic surgery and cosmetics and all sorts of things that can be used to enhance or alter your appearance but if society did not put such a vast importance on these things to the extent that they do imagine how different things would be? 
I'm sick of spending so much time and energy focused and worried on what I look like. I'm bored out of my mind of living within a society obsessed with the surface of things. Beauty has many forms but so does so many other things in the world. 

I'm fed up with feeling uncomfortable with my body because I've been taught, as we all generally have, to see our physical "flaws" (who really made these rules about what is or isn't a "flaw"??) as something that should constantly be stewed over, attempted to change, etc, whatever. 
I'm sick of hiding my cellulite on my body even when I'm sweating buckets or plain don't want to. I'm sick of society telling women they should or shouldn't wear makeup. Who should not wear that or who should wear this. I'm sick of society telling men they should be or should not be tall. I'm sick of society force feeding us that hair belongs only in certain places. I'm sick of accepting a society that tells people they are only one thing. No one is only one thing. Dig deeper!

Get to know people for who they are and not just what they are. Accept and love yourself. Treat others with kindness. Work together as much as you can, stop squabbling over petty things.
Let's get shit done and stop thinking only with our eyes and nether regions. There is so much more out there! 

Take my double chin and large arms or not, in this moment I don't care. I know I have and others have said this all before but the conversation is going to continue when the issues are so prevalent and consistent.


Saturday, May 9, 2015
It has only taken... 5 years but I'm at 50,000 views! I'm sure at least 25-45% of that is me but we'll pretend it's from my gaggle of admirers. Yay. Woo. Party on. I'm honestly not very concerned with having a blog viewed by millions, a select few is good for me. I'm happy to get to 50,000 views!


I'm in a good mood today because I started off my (late but I was up till 5:00AM) day with a dark chocolate bar. If only every single day started off with chocolate. Also someone vacuumed my patio room (by someone I mean my father in law but ya know, "someone" sounds more mysterious) so that made me happy. I have an odd dinner slow cooking in the crock pot, I just tend to throw stuff together and see how it turns out (usually pretty good).

To celebrate, C-E-L-E-B-R-A-T-E good times and 50,000 views here are a few of my favorite images found on tumblr. Thank you for the support, kindness, and comments. Now people find me some dark mustardy colored clothing to pair with my red hair <3 NO I don't mean cover my clothes in mustard, I don't like mustard, I'll gag.










Thursday, April 30, 2015

I am back from Vegas and yesterday was my 30th birthday. I always feel a little melancholy after vacation and also around my birthday so I have to admit, yesterday and the day before were a bit tough. Lots of junk food and quite a few tears. I'm doing better today though, just trying to fight the urge to take a nap. That time difference and the fact that Vegas operates wayy later than most cities has left my husband and I really tired - and the walking! We did so much m effin' walking, I literally broke a record on moves and my phone did not work in half of the casinos and my husband and I were lost in many a casino. All the casinos/hotels were massive and a bit confusing, especially with some margarita in your system - my husband tried to go out a fire exit about 3 times. What gets me about it too is when I was like "you can't go out the fire exit?" he was like "but it's an exit". Someone wanted to get arrested in Vegas... that someone was not me. 

We went to Freemont St, saw some exhibits at the Luxor, went to the Shark Reef at the Mandalay Bay, saw the fountain, picked up the pace when a homeless man started yelling at "Terry" in his book bag, saw the volcano at the Mirage, saw many a sky jumper at the Stratosphere, and spent the majority of our money on alcohol and drinks (fridges, Vegas, fridges!).





To round off this post, here is a few pictures of my drunk ass at the Venetian waiting for my husband to get out of the bathroom.




Why couldn't I have gone towards the gondolas and took a picture? Well... there were people there and I was drunk and didn't want to make that second face in front of them. 


Thursday, April 16, 2015
I've been sick with bronchitis for what feels like centuries but time goes by slowly when you're sick. Cough syrup has been my best friend these past few weeks, I bought my cough syrup a bff necklace and everything but the little shit refuses to wear it, it says "My neck is too small you weirdo" Liar.

It's safe to say I haven't been out much since I've been sick but I did visit my Dad and his new home last weekend. I was so excited to get out of the house that I wore my red lace eshakti dress for the first time and it got rave reviews. It's not hard to see why below... I love you eshakti.


 I'm feeling better mostly just trying to kick a non-stop cough and some congestion. That and I'm constantly sleepy. My husband and I leave for Vegas in two days! AND I had my hair done yesterday so exciting not talking to my cough syrup (probably... maybe) posts to come!




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