Sunday, August 30, 2015

Wishlist Sept 2015 by honeysuckelle on

Money is super tight so naturally there is a list as long as my arm of things I really want. Isn't that always the case? I'm really into coloring books lately! I need them all!

Saturday, August 22, 2015
I recently was approached by 10dollarmall, they sent me a free item in exchange for an honest review. I have to say I was really excited, I haven't been approached to review anything on my blog so I was like "WEE!." I hadn't previously heard of 10dollarmall but I have to say I am impressed. I ordered a bow print scarf, a black sheer short sleeve top, and a pair of cross earrings. The first pair of cross earrings came broken but they quickly sent an exchange pair and they are fabulous.

Now I love me a bow print and this one is perfect, the scarf is long and soft. The top is also a soft material and easily wearable, I get a bit worried with my bust trying clothing from new places but this fits spot on. The earrings are probably not everyones style but I like them, I like crosses, what can I say I've watched 'The Craft' about 39403 times.

It's a bit hard to tell but I'm wearing the top from 10dollarmall in this picture and it's really become one of my favorites, it is so comfortable and easy to wear with just about everything.

The customer service I found to be speedy and kind and these prices are amazing! Pop on over to 10dollarmall and browse, tell me what you find!

Friday, July 10, 2015

Current frustration: Back pain. It has been endless and pain is time consuming.

Current want: I really want my own house so I can fill it with dogs and cats. Have you seen the tiny homes? They appeal to me but I need space for animals so it would never really work. Boo. The pictures are when my husband decided to bring me to a puppy store and I somehow left without actual tears, I was close though. I want all da puppies!

Current TV shows: Key and Peele, Inside Amy Schumer, American Horror Story (oh netflix, you're the best), and House.

Current crush: Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele(imagine that). I love when Keegan does that little kick thing, he's adorable. Jessica Lange because she is one sexy lady. I didn't quite get the appeal of Evan Peters until watching American Horror Story but now I see it. He looks so young to me though which makes me feel skeevy, even though he is only 2 years younger than me...

Current nail color: Blue on my feet. I'm too lazy to hunt down the bottle so you'll just have to believe me.

Current drink: Chips Ahoy Coolatta from Dunkin Donuts. It's pretty tasty. I'm not currently drinking it but I wish I was.  

Current music: Skid Row by Skid Row.

Current cuddle partner: This fluff ball of adorableness. The one and only baby Halo. 

Current food: Above is my breakfast. It was tasty. My stomach should be hurting any minute now *checks watch* Any minute...

Current wishlist: New Look Front Strap Bra Boohoo Basic Oversized Tee in White and BlackF21 Sheer Lace Maxi DressF21 Rose Print Maxi Dress  / New Love Silver Straw Zip Top Clutch / Curvy Kate Bra / Melon Floral Maxi Dress / Jeepers Peepers Handbag / BPAL Miss Forcible

Last favorite purchase: Beetlejuice Metal lunchbox! I had a plastic one with the cartoon characters on it in elementary school. I also found a cute green chair for $16. See my instagram for picture!

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

I have been undergoing a lot of changes in the way I approach my body, I have been overweight for most of my life (as I've mentioned) and have struggled with it and of course, I have my bad days like we all do. I was a size 14 at 5'9" until I was about 19/20 (from about 7th grade till then, I matured early), I went through a tough breakup and problems with school and gained a bit of weight but I was still wearing a size 16/18 up until I was about 23. I didn't wear jeans because I (didn't really care for them but I also) didn't want to face that dreaded number that read a size I didn't want to be. I use to cut the tags out of my clothing all the time, I didn't want anyone to know I wore the size that I did or that I was plus size even though it was obvious. I was told I was fat and needed to lose weight more times than I could count and I went on various diets (weight watchers, l.a weight loss, etc). and they never stuck. After seeing a picture of my chubby arms in 2005 I started covering my arms and after some friends made some comments about how gross my cellulite on my legs was I stopped wearing skirts without leggings or hose. People's negative comments never really stopped and they NEVER made me like myself or treat my body better, if anything it always made me turn to sorrow, inactivity, depression, and comfort eating. I absolutely hate people making comments about other peoples bodies, we are all different and it is NOT A BAD THING. As women we are told we should be beautiful, thin, and desired. I was assured I was beautiful and desired but not thin enough for love or true happiness or any of those things. I had no problem meeting men but I did have a problem with them treating me right or wanting to commit to me or bring me around their friends/family because I mean I can you imagine the humiliation of bringing a sweet, fun, bright FAT girl around your loved ones. That is supposed to be sarcastic, I know it can be tough to pick up on sometimes through text.

I started to slowly gain weight with growing and untreated depression, anxiety, and stresses with friends, boys, and life. In 2008 I met my future husband who made me feel beautiful and supported and told me I was "a beautiful voluptuous lady and I love everything about you." However other problems happened in my life and my weight skyrocketed, I went from a size 16 to a size 24. I barely even noticed it, looking back I ate more ice cream than I probably should have and let my depression/anxiety consume my life. I've lost weight since then, I'm now a size 20 and I'm not ashamed of it. I don't cut the tags out of my clothing, I wear shorts sometimes, short sleeve tops, skirts without leggings, and have been opening up to taking pictures of myself in both my outfits and a good ol' selfie every now and then. Some of these things I've only opened up to doing in the past year, let alone past few months! I have a long way to go but I have a very kind, supportive, and helpful doctor who assures me I am perfectly normal and healthy (healthy cholesterol, healthy blood pressure, and all those things). Even if I didn't, would that mean I deserve the ridicule and hatred people give "obese" or "unhealthy" people? Do these people troll hospitals yelling and belittling sick people? 

I lead a healthier life now than I ever have. Either way my health is my business and approaching people with negativity or hatred or cruelty in my experience NEVER made me better. When I lost weight going from a size 24 to a size 20 I did it the strength and kindness from friends, my husband, inner strength, and a growing body positive movement online (whom I am so grateful for). I'd still like to get back into a size 14 but if I don't, it won't be the worst thing in the world and I can assure you it is HARD WORK. Losing weight is a every minute of the day commitment. My physical attractiveness or lack there of is not an obligation to anyone! I'm flattered when people approve of my figure and I am lucky that I am hourglass shaped, my waist is 13 inches smaller than my hips and I have a very large bust. I also have height on my side although I've been bullied about my height ("why are you so huge?" "tall women are manly") too. I know I just made a post like this but then I just had this experience as well.

I posted the picture of myself below and randomly this person (definitely a troll... it's almost always trolls who are too scared to have a real open account) went onto to say the above. 

This is not my first experience dealing with the "obese" police online (this was the most blatant however) or in real life and I dare say it won't be my last. I'm not ashamed at all for my response, I have dealt with enough hateful people in my life to know that I am allowed to defend myself. People like that have made me drop out of school early (due to non-stop bullying), hide my body for years, think I was undeserving of love or acceptance, kept me hidden in the house when I didn't want to be, and I won't stand for it another single fucking day. 

I am fat. I am beautiful. I wear a size 20/22. I'm 30 years old. I wear clothing that is a 3xl. I have acne scars, cellulite, a double chin, stretch marks, large arms, pale skin, and I will wear whatever I want. I will not disappear, I will not change my body to please shitty people. Why would I want to be "accepted" by those sorts of people anyway?

Be kind. If you see yourself thinking negative unwarranted things about yourself or others, stop and think for a second, why am I thinking this? What can I do to change my thinking and my behavior? Put out kind words into the world not negativity. Love your body and all the amazing things it is capable of and does for you every single day! Do not be afraid to be who you are, like the things you like, be comfortable in your own skin, to not think you need to change or change the things you can't accept, know that you deserve love and acceptance no matter what! Good people are out there! Find them, be them. Don't be afraid to defend yourself. You are more than your body, you are more than your face, you are more than how attractive or not the world finds you. 

I wish you kindness and love. I wish you happiness. I wish you the ability to tell people who are being rude to you "bite my ass" with all sincerity because we all deserve to exist in this world the way we are. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here! I've been there and I understand.

I love this article, I had to share it. Body Shaming.

Sorry if I talked a bit in circles or if this is too similar to any other past posts but it continues to be an issue so I will continue to address it.

Thursday, July 2, 2015
I finally saw 'Jurassic World', my husband and I had planned on seeing it in 3D but then we got there, bought the tickets, and then the theater was down. However, we just saw a later showing and I got to explore a fancy-shmacy grocery store nearby (I was really tempted by some midnight brownie cookies but I couldn't bring myself to spend $4.99 on a tiny bag). I remember seeing the first movie in a crowded theater when I was a little kid, we sat in the two front seats with my mom and stepdad and my brother and I basically had to sit on the floor. I liked Jurassic World but not as much as I liked Jurassic Park. I'm going to buy it when it comes out either way. Also Chris Pratt is yummy, like really yummy, I don't mean that in an edible way (dinosaurs might think so... but not I).

I tried to dress Dino themed but I realized I had no clothing or accessories that are dino themed. BOO, you whore. I need to work on that. So I improvised and wore a lip shirt to improve my visible tastiness to dinosaurs all around (I'm making that up, I just liked the shirt and just recently bought it) and lots of green accessories (of which you can't see in any of my pictures but... I did). I even wore my galaxy chic palette in asteroid, comet, and meteor as a nod so to speak. 

I will be doing a current post soon but I figured a Clever Girl post was necessary. Rawr.


Monday, June 15, 2015
It has been awhile but the CURRENT posts are baccckkkkk and I've decided to mix it up because why the hell not?

Current TV shows: Game of Thrones - of course. I have a tried and true system of having my husband watch it first and then break the news to me if anything heartbreaking happened so I can *prepare*. I have stomped out of the room, thrown pillows, declared I will stop watching 15 times, and sobbed like a banshee one too many times so the system is a necessity. Halt and Catch Fire. Orange is the New Black. Does the good television ever end? (well yes, because Mad Men just ended).

Current crush: Ruby Rose. Is it just me or does she look like a Monster High Doll with tattoos? That face though... heart eyes heart eyes. Lee Pace is pretty dreamy too and so tall. Liv Tyler, forever and always.

Current nail situation: My fingers are naked (ruhomgz!) and will remain so. My feet are a disaster, a pedicure is needed!

Current can't stop laughing picture/video: Watch dis

Current music: I know I've mentioned this 9403 times but The Lost Boys soundtrack. I'm addicted.

You Are the Generation That Bought More Shoes and You Get What You Deserve - Johnny Boy // Cocteau Twins - Persephone // Cocteau Twins - The Tinderbox (of a heart) // James Dean - Transylvania // Twin Shadows - Five Seconds

Current print: I'm really into eye prints, lip prints, and aliens. The only real new thing there is the eye print but I can't get enough of it.

Current favorite food: Coral Reef Cakes by Little Debbie. I'm 9 years old...

Current frustration: Been having epic tummy and back issues. IT IS THE SUCK. Stop it.

Current triumph: Well, I don't want to jinx anything so we'll see how it goes. Also my body confidence has been soaring, I've gone many places without a cardigan, yes ladies.. I'm talking naked arms. Exposed. Out for everyone to see. I'm still a little shy at times but every single day gets easier. It is too hot and humid, no more suffering!

Current plans: Lunch with friends tomorrow and MOVIES. I want to see about 4 things that are out right now but I've been trying to avoid the crowds. Me no likie crowds. New experiences (as I said, don't want to jinx anything). People coming over for games and fun on Saturday. NAP. I can't wait for that freakin' nap.

Current cuddle partner: Hero.

Current suggested links: Save Bobcats // PopReal

Current wishlist: Eye striped shirt / Mustard halter dress / Scoop Neck "Floral" Pattern Tank / Green Sequin Spaghetti Top / Lip skirt / Lace Bralette / Eye Oh my Hair Pin / Red Wrap Dress / Window Film for bedroom and bathroom / Agate everything / Just Dance 2 for Xbox One / A watch

Monday, June 8, 2015

I'm not sure how to start this post so I guess that means I should just jump right in, cannon ball style! I struggle with anger issues, I've honestly seen myself grow in a positive way in the last few years but I still have a hard time with it. What sparked this post, and I apologize if I'm coming off a bit ranty in my last few posts but these are things I need to get off my chest, was the community Oh No They Didn't and their reaction to an article on Tess Holliday. You can read the article and the comments through a quick google search, I don't want to link it because honestly, both the comments and the article came off as bias and rude. I don't know Tess Holliday personally, I've never met her, I follow her on pretty much every social networking site but I don't know her. She comes off to me as a strong, beautiful, passionate, and determined woman and has since I started following her around 2011/2012. I can relate to her in a lot of ways and have witnessed the vile comments and outrage her presence seems to bring out in people. I have also seen a rush of support and kindness from people in her posts but the vile comments are not a rarity either. As a larger person I have experienced some of those vile comments myself but nothing to the scale or consistency that she has. It is not easy to deal with all that negativity from people. I briefly scanned through the article so the implications of racism I don't recall so I will have to read it further.

I can relate to her story in many ways. I was bullied, as you probably know from reading my blog, really terribly throughout high school and it made me very angry, defensive, sad, and bitter. I also didn't have the most stable relationship with a step-parent who also made me feel very similarly. I was angry at the world, I was angry towards men (the main bullies in my life were male), and I was angry towards the people who witnessed it occurring and did nothing to help. It is not easy being surrounded by people constantly telling you and showing you "I don't like you", especially when you feel so deeply misunderstood by those people. How is someone supposed to approach someone who is being rude or mean to them? How is someone supposed to approach people who turn their back to you while people are trying to torture you? If you have not experienced this I don't know if you'd understand how awful it is. If you have not experienced this you don't know what it does to how you approach people and society. I have anxiety and get extremely nervous meeting almost anyone new. In the back of my mind I think they are going to see me and see a fat girl and automatically dislike me because of that reason alone. Sometimes in defense to this I try really hard to make them like me by cracking lots of jokes, sometimes I choose to just be quiet and withdrawn, and other times I can be sarcastic and standoffish. I admit on more than one occasion I have seen or expected someones reaction to me be negative and I responded with a snarl and a huge defensive wall and overly sarcastic remarks. It is a defensive mechanism and something I have administered sometimes without any regrets and other times have felt very badly about. I'm also a person who deals with chronic pain in my back, anxiety, and depression so my moods can be up and down. This is something I desperately am trying to work on and repair. 
I think about the people who have been around me when I've been stressed out, sad, in a lot of pain, or having not the best of days and worry that they must think I'm someone I'm not. I am not awful. I am not miserable. I try really hard not to take my bad days or feelings out on people. However, I don't regret trying to stand up for myself when it is needed however I do regret being defensive without a real reason. People like to preach things like "you catch more flies with honey" but sometimes it can be really difficult when the moment you approach someone they are giving you the stink eye or radiating a bad vibe or a vibe like "get away from me".

I've grown with love from an amazing man and friends who are never cruel to me. I've grown from being in more supportive and kind environments but I continue to struggle with my past and we all have a past. Empathy is something I desperately try to have in my life at all times but I'm not perfect and I struggle sometimes. We all struggle. I try to live by the philosophy of "be kind, be empathetic, but take no shit and don't be afraid to speak up". I don't know if that is the best philosophy but I'm growing and learning all the time as people do. We have to be the change we want to be in the world. I don't know where I heard that quote but I know I heard it somewhere. My entire point is that things can be taken out of context, give people a chance, we all say and do things that we might not necessarily mean.

...Side note... when I make posts like this I always feel the need to post a rando picture of myself but I don't know why. Is that weird? I just feel like a lot of people skip text posts without at least one picture thrown in the mix? I don't know...


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