Friday, February 21, 2014
When was the last time I did a current post? Seems like forever.

Current guilty pleasure: Melting snow. I honestly hate snow, I don't even find it pretty at this point, just annoying. Luckily and well, unluckily, I was sick when it snowed last week so I couldn't really go anywhere anyway but I hate being stuck in the house and not able to play outside because massive heaps of white water ice fall from the clouds. I can't wait to get out and ride my bike.

Current nail color: Hot mess by Rachel Designs and of course I mean my nails are a hot mess because I'm lazy and I also don't really care about doing my nails. I did have this purple sparkly combination going on my fingers that I had some "unicorn" name for but it has chipped off.

Current playlist:  (" Heather Mooney! Oh my god, you're exactly the same!") The Smithereens - Blood and Roses // Sisters of Mercy - Dominion/Mother Russia // Sisters of Mercy - Flood I // Richard Hawley - Baby You're my Light // Band of Horses - Our Swords // Devandra Banhart - Lover // The Breeders - Cannonball // The Handsome Family - Far from Any Road

Current drink: Crystal Light Strawberry Orange Banana. I was really sick of lemon water. My asthma has been bad so I've been avoiding alcohol but an orange muscat mouth meeting is in order because It's Friday, bitches! :Throws confetti: Gets irritated by Mess: Vacuums it up immediately!

Current food: Trader Joe's crumpets with a little butter and honey. Marry me, crumpet goddesses.

Current Favorite TV Show: True Detective! I'm obsessed, totally and utterly obsessed. Even Halo watches it, seriously, he was sitting on the couch watching the entire episode. Apparently Halo is a crime drama fan, he likes to watch the ID network as well. My kitty and I have so much in common. Besides my cats TV viewing choices, can we talk about how awesome Matthew McConaughey is on True Detective? He is honestly blowing me away every single week.

Current wish list: Bike Rides! Ashley Stewart High Waist Pencil Skirt in Pink / Fashion to Figure Elena Rose Top / Crosley Turnable in Red / Royal Velvet Damask Duvet in Red / Miz Mooz Heloise Shoes / Porcelain Cat Lamp / Doc Marten Spike Boots / Ashley Stewart Faux Leather Wool Trench / Ashley Stewart Green Pencil Skirt / Coffee Table with Storage / OPI - Red Hot Rio / Cadbury Buttons / Casual Plus Eyelash Top / We Love Colors Tights in Red & Black / Torrid Cat Ragalan Tee / Torrid One Piece Red

Current needs: Bike rides. Yes, I'm 10 years old, I desperately need my bike riding time.

Current triumphs: Uh...... can I get back to you on that?

Current bane of my existence: You said it Orange Kitty.

Current indulgence: Crumpets. Lemon Oreos!

Current excitement: True Detective on Sunday. As I've said, melting snow, if it snows again so help me. Beetlejuice 2 although I am a bit hesitant. The Sims 3, I'm back in obsession mode.

Current mood: Crumpety.

Current link:

Friday, January 31, 2014

I've been back from my trip to Manhattan (and Brooklyn) for a few days and I don't want to lie... it wasn't a resounding success. I hesitated on whether to admit my trip didn't go perfectly but I think most of us have had trips that didn't go quite as planned. Traveling can be stressful and it can be hard to not bring your stresses from home with you on a trip, especially when they are fresh in your memory. I had a setback the day I was scheduled to leave and I went back and forth that night on whether I should go or not but ultimately I decided to go. In the end I'm glad I went but I've learned a few valuable lessons for any future trips, like perhaps traveling to only warmer climates in the dead of Winter lol. It felt like it was -5degrees the first day I was there, my legs took hours to warm up. I also realized that I don't like sharing rooms with friends or family (Jason is different but he had to work and couldn't go). I'm the type of person who needs my alone time and that was almost impossible to manage on a tight budget and in a small hotel room. I also realized that I'm not the easiest person to travel with and I really would have been happiest if I had taken the trip alone. I've always been scared at the idea of taking a trip by myself but I know now that I would be more than fine on my own but anyway, I wanted to share some of the details and pictures from my trip.

The first day was spent briefly in Times Square and then over to see this gorgeous library (and to thaw my frozen appendages) at Jefferson Market. Followed by shopping on Bleecker Street where I bought candy, cupcakes, cds, toys, and lunch. Everyone was really friendly and accommodating at the various shops. 

It is weird to spend so much time wishing it was even closer to 30 degrees because the cold made it so I pretty much buried my head in my coat and rushed from place to place.

The second day was almost completely devoted to traveling to Brooklyn to see one of my favorite bands, Trust, perform. Seeing Trust was actually the reason I went to New York, I found out about the show only a month prior and was scrambling to get money together for it. Trust was awesome and did not disappoint at all, I only wish my pictures had turned out better, this was the best one. The funny thing too is that now that I've been home for a few days, they've announced more dates for their upcoming tour and will be in my area in April. Yes, I am going to that too.

I decided to take an earlier bus home on Saturday but had enough time to stop at a few places, including The Strand bookstore and Forbidden Planet! I highly recommend a visit if you find yourself in the area. Another few places I recommend are Books of Wonder, Amy's Bread, Generation Records, Rebel Rebel Records, and probably others I am forgetting.

I didn't take as many pictures as I had hoped I would and I didn't get to see all the places I wanted to see... can you believe I've still never set foot inside a New York museum or Central Park?! I might potentially go back for FFFWeek in June but time shall tell.

Monday, January 6, 2014
How did you make out this Christmas season?

I did good this season, Jason bought us the Xbox One and Dead Rising 3 (rooock, I love that series) and the new Assassins Creed. I also received a pretty pink bicycle, some various Nightmare Before Christmas things, and I won $53 from a scratch off ticket, so I made out quite well (that's what she said). I am a lucky girl. 

I also am returning to the big bad ass apple that is New York City in a few weeks! I'm going to see one of my favorite bands in Brooklyn and spend the rest of the days exploring. Speaking of exploring can anyone confirm that two of the H&M's in the city carry the plus size line? I am desperate for some H&M apparel. Oh, I also meant to mention that Lane Bryant is having a great sale on bras. Why am I mentioning this, well, my good bra broke a little bit ago and I was in desperate need for a new one and I found that not only was there a buy two bras get two bras free sale but also that Cacique now goes up to H cup! I was way excited, I even got to try on a bra in a store for the first time in years. So don't miss out, the sale ends on the 20th of this month.

Hey, look, a selfie! My weight loss journey is improving too, it has been rather stagnant for awhile but I'm now down officially 35lbs so that ain't bad. The only bad thing is a lot of my beloved clothes are becoming too big, I'm going to have to start ebaying my old clothes or something.

Considering how often I post these days I should come armed in my next post with NYC photos so stay tuned! 

Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Oh no, it's that season again. Now, if you're as wishlist crazy as I am than you probably have 144,000 things at any one time that you wouldn't mind having or are absolutely dying to have. It's too bad Victorian homes and vintage cars are too expensive to put on a wishlist, although I kind of have a home wishlist going and if I could ever remember the name of the cars I like (besides vintage hearses!) I'd have a list for that too.

Christmas List 2013

Christmas List 2013 - 2

1.) Green sparkly nail polish. I can't seem to find a shade I like in the stores so this is at the top of my list.

2.) Stack able rings.

3.) Cutlery. I desperately need new cutlery, our cutlery keeps disappearing and these are super cute and go with my aesthetic.

4.) Red bra. Why is it so hard freakin' hard to find a supportive yet cute bra in colors other than nude, white, or black for those of us with bewbies over a DD cup?! Stop it, give us colors!

5.) Xbox One and Dead Rising 3. I'm obsessed with the Dead Rising series, some of you may already know that but I basically spent the year 2010 playing Dead Rising.

6.) Heart rate monitor. Sometimes I dance around my kitchen or do silly dance moves while on my walks and I want to see if they make any difference in my activity (I'm certain they do but I want verification).

7.) Lips skirt. Enough said. Give me!

8.) Cadbury Roses Tin. I haven't had these since I was a little girl and I desperately want to have them again. Please, fill my mouth with cadbury chocolate this year!

9.)  Doc Marten Mary Janes. I've ALWAYS wanted a pair of these. I wear a size 11, make it happen.

10.) Mindless Faith. A band I have newly discovered and am totally obsessed with.

I didn't put numbers on the second list so I'll just visually go down the list.

11.) Green zipper cargo pants. I've been coveting these for about two years, I'll take them in black, green, and red please.

12.) Moon t-shirt. I am obsessed with anything moon, crescent moon, the night sky, or stars.

13.) Lips scarf. Everything I seem to want is either moon oriented or has lips all over it.

14.) Leopard Scarf. I think this color pattern would look lovely paired with my red hair.

15.) Cherry Bomb Cardigan. Cardigans, cherries, and sassiness. How could you beat that?

16.) Lucky Brand Jeans. I got my first pair of Lucky Brand Jeans a bit ago and I'm totally in love, most flattering jeans I've ever worn and super comfy too.

17.) Long pencil skirt. 

18.) Glittery boots. No explanation needed.

19.) T-strap heels. I've been on an endless search for a pair of T-strap heels that look somewhat comfortable for my heel intolerant feet.

20.) Brown boots.

21.) ASICS running shoes. I need some good quality comfortable workout shoes.

I made my lists in polyvore so anything can be found by clicking on the image. I'd like to say this is half of what I want but it's not, for further proof of that, go to my Amazon Wishlist.

Merry Holidays everyone.

Saturday, December 14, 2013
Hello there, so this isn't the normal sort of post I make but I have been thinking of making a post like this for awhile now because this is something I feel really strongly about. I think the real reason I felt compelled to make this post is because I was bullied extensively in middle and high school, more so in high school then in middle school. The bullying got so bad that I started skipping school in grade 10 and ended up dropping out around grade 11. It is not something I am proud of or advocate (skipping school and dropping out) but at the time it was the only coping method I knew to do. Going to teachers and telling my parents never made a difference and so I spiraled into a deep depression and had ridiculous anxiety that continues to this day. I know I'm, sadly, not unique in this experience. I've met so many people who were also bullied at one point or another and have come across many bright people who also ended up dropping out because of bullying.

In my beginning years of school I was quite popular with the other students, I was confident and silly and also a kind person. I'd like to say I was kind all the time but I know it's not true and it's something I really wish I could change. However, I went through puberty early (around 10), which was not the least bit comfortable. In my mind, budding boobs equaled fat and fat equaled ugly and undeserving. A rocky relationship with a step-parent and acne didn't help either. I touched a little on these things in a few previous posts but I wanted to discuss it more at length because I know there are people who have experienced or are experiencing similar things and I want you to know you are not alone and I promise you, good people are out there! My years of bullying are still something that give me nervous pain in my stomach when I think or talk about it so I rarely discuss it with other people and I usually feel almost a sense of shame when I do speak of it... I'm not even sure why, it could be because I wish I had reacted differently or because I'm afraid that someone will read that I was bullied and treat me differently. I also feel somewhat like a failure for dropping out of school like I did, especially because I was always a good student. After seventh grade my math skills dropped dramatically but I maintained an A or a B in every other class. Okay, sometimes I got a C in gym but gym sucked. I did attend community college for almost two years but I never received a degree. Sometimes I wonder what I missed in the history, biology, English, and creative writing classes (those were my favorite classes, can you tell?) that I missed and it fills me with regret because I quite enjoyed those classes. Luckily I have found the time to read about history, attempt to brush up on my vocabulary and syntax, even do some creative writing in my own free time as an adult but I always feel a little behind for missing the time that I missed. I'm even thinking of jumping back on that pogo stick by taking some college classes.

This morning I came across this post on tumblr and then this video on youtube and I highly recommend you watch it.

It is still hard to watch things like this because I remember what it felt like to have an entire class or even "friends" clam up, ignore, or even walk away from me while I was being bullied. I'm not entirely sure what hurts worse, the vitriol of the bullies or the silence or even laughter from the people who were witnessing it going on and didn't do a single thing to stop it. In the beginning of the bullying I mostly ignored it or would even, shamefully, cry. As time when on I fought back by hitting (after a student punched me really hard in the head), threatening, and cursing at the bullies. None of it really worked.

The main message of what I want to say is that if you see something happening that you don't approve of, whether you're in school or at work or at the grocery store buying an almond croissant, please say something. Speak up, it can mean all the difference in the world and even if it doesn't, at least the victim will not feel like their left alone to fight their battles. Bullying leaves eternal scars on your psyche that never truly go away and bullying changes and touches many of our lives. Teach your kids (or future kids) to stand up for someone who is being victimized, teach yourself to stand up for someone who is being victimized, and never be shy to disagree with something you know is wrong. Studies have shown that when a bully is stood up to by another person, they usually cease their activity. I can't personally imagine or understand what it would take to be a bully but the type of behavior they exhibit does not demonstrate contentment, courage, or confidence. 

I'm a realistic person and I know people aren't always going to get along but if only one person decides to speak up one time, it would be worth it. I want to assure those of you who are still suffering that I am suffering too but my life is so much better than I ever imagined it would be. I have a supportive fiancee, fabulous friends, a warm house, and live a pretty happy life now. Only you can control where you decide to take your life, I'm almost 30 years old and I know I'm still affected by my past - I still get nervous in crowds, I still battle depression and anxiety, I still sometimes get a sense of dread walking past a school or a group of giggling kids, and job interviews are very hard. I'm still afraid to meet new people or share my past with them but I promise you it gets easier and easier. Do everything you can to be who you want to be and live a full satisfying life because ultimately your success and happiness is the biggest "fuck you" to the people who treated you wrongly.

Monday, October 21, 2013
So, I want to talk fitness. That isn't exactly true, I want to talk about workout wear because I don't really care for the rest of the fitness/workout aspect but I do enjoy shopping for new clothes and accessories. As some of you may know I've incorporated working out into my weekly life, I almost typed "daily" but ha to the HAHA that isn't going to happen anytime soon/ever. The only way I'd gladly workout daily is if the world turned into the opposite of Footloose and you were required to dance everywhere you went - that would be one ridiculous world, lets make this happen!

You Better

Anywho, I've discovered a few things since working out/being alive. First, most sports bras are not made for the busty. I do it the hard way (I'm poor, dammit) and wear a regular bra and a sports bra for support but there still is some bouncing going on with this set up. I've read about some supportive bras for the busty amongst us but can't budget them in yet. Two, most workout wear is made small and very form fitting. They make workout tank tops with built in bras and I have no idea who these built in bras really support. Granted, I might be able to wear them but they wouldn't be comfortable or appropriate for a lady with all my business. Three, I never wear anything but black bottoms because yet again, too much business going on, I already feel a little exposed in my yoga pants. Four, comfort is key! Comfortable breathable materials that aren't too short or bothersome are perfect for working out. Five, the workout outfits for women never come with friggin pockets! I always end up carrying around my phone, headphones, water bottle, towel, and sometimes lip gloss (don't hate, I have easily chapped lips... probably because I apply lip gloss too often). Wearing a hoodie to workout in gets too hot sometimes but I'm thinking of getting one of these so I feel a little less like a pack mule. Six, everyone at the gym wears the same outfits. Okay, well, not EVERYONE... I mean I did see a guy working out in a over-sized cable sweater and jeans a few weeks ago but other than that it is mostly a sea of similarities. I usually end up at the gym for a good 2 and half hours and although I'm not trying to impress anyone I still feel more pumped fake jogging on an elliptical while staring at an episode of Storage Wars in a cute outfit. Seven, I seriously loathe ear buds, why do they cause so much agony? I'd like to meet the person that came up with this ear bud idea and throw them into a pit with old banana peels. So, yeah, headphones are a must because gym music suckkkkks. Oh, and eight... don't forget your water bottle! Fogging (fake jogging) makes you thirsty.

I put together a few looks I liked on polyvore, I love me some converse (that might be obvious...) although I doubt they're really suited for the hardcore runners but luckily I'm not one of those people - walking, cycling, fogging, and weight lifting is as far as I've go. I'd size up or buy the shirts over-sized for a comfortable fit but that's just me, I also like basics in bright colors and typically hate every inspirational shirt I see but that's only because I'm a cynical bastard and something about going to the gym makes me even more sardonic than I typically am. Even though, I admit I feel pretty dandy after a good fogging session. Well, go forth my grasshoppers, wear some retina stinging shades of pink and bounce your business to Ace of Base.

Work it 2

Sunday, September 22, 2013
Current guilty pleasure: Don't judge me, or do, but I've been craving hot dogs non-stop lately :( I don't even like hot dogs that much, I don't understand it. My body has a mind of it's own.

Current nail color: Black and Silver. I seriously need to paint my nails every single friggin time I do these posts. I need to get my shit together.

Current playlist:  Black No 1 - Type O Negative / Bulbform - Trust / Shoom - Trust / Candy Walls - Trust / Heaven - Trust / Sulk - Trust / Lose it - Austra / What Have We Done - Austra / Forgive Me - Austra / Hurt me Now - Austra / Suffocation - Crystal Castles / Under your Spell - Desire

I am completely obsessed with this band, Trust. I've said this on like every social media site I am apart of so I suppose my blog was the next one. 

Current drink: Water with Lemon, Blood Orange, and Mint.

Current food: Dark chocolate morsels.

Current Favorite TV Show: Boardwalk Empire!! Can we talk about how gorgeous the costumes and sets are? I love the everything about this show.

So dreamy.

Current wish list: Old Navy Tiered Eyelet Skirt // Boo Bat Sweater // Simply Be Purple Sequin Lace Dress // Tripp Skull Skinny Jeans // Torrid Lace Shorts // New Look Black Lace Fringe Kimono // Sleeveless Heart Print Top // Sparkly Converse // Animal Jacquard Dress -GIMME- // Old Navy Pajama Pants in Bat Print // New Look Black Faux Fur Collar Waterfall Jacket // Polka Dot Peplum Dress // Robo and Rocker Retro Dress // Eshakti Floral Flounce Heath Dress // Emerald Earrings // Polar Heart Rate Monitor // Eyeball Lights // ASICS Gel 15 // Trust - Trst // Gym Membership // Workout Clothes

Current needs: 9PM to get here already, my fiance and I are going to the gym after he gets off work.

Current triumphs: I've lost 30lbs! Not like this, I have both my arms at this current time, but it did made me giggle thinking of this. Anyway, my jeans that use to fit the tightest are now loose, I am really excited! I even tried on my hidden away pile of clothes that were too small for me and a few of them fit again! Woohoo.

Current bane of my existence: Life ain't bad right now, I do hope my motivation for exercise continues, this week has been amazing in terms of motivation.

Current indulgence: White Chocolate Raspberry Truffle Swirl. I've been pretty good about not over-indulging this week, I have to ask myself at times, "WHO ARE YOU?"... this person surprises me.

Current blessing: Health, happiness, motivation, strength, and weight loss. Of course the normal players as well - Hero, Halo, Monkey.

Current outfit: Black Yoga Pants, Hello Kitty Socks, Pink Converse, Old Navy Tank Top, and Rob Zombie Band T-shirt.

Current excitement: Working out. Seriously, who are you? What did you do with Rachel?!

Current mood: Motivated.

Current link: 7 Ways your Grandmother Dressed Better Than You - (well, duh, I spend A LOT of time in my pajamas)


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