Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Oh no, it's that season again. Now, if you're as wishlist crazy as I am than you probably have 144,000 things at any one time that you wouldn't mind having or are absolutely dying to have. It's too bad Victorian homes and vintage cars are too expensive to put on a wishlist, although I kind of have a home wishlist going and if I could ever remember the name of the cars I like (besides vintage hearses!) I'd have a list for that too.

Christmas List 2013

Christmas List 2013 - 2

1.) Green sparkly nail polish. I can't seem to find a shade I like in the stores so this is at the top of my list.

2.) Stack able rings.

3.) Cutlery. I desperately need new cutlery, our cutlery keeps disappearing and these are super cute and go with my aesthetic.

4.) Red bra. Why is it so hard freakin' hard to find a supportive yet cute bra in colors other than nude, white, or black for those of us with bewbies over a DD cup?! Stop it, give us colors!

5.) Xbox One and Dead Rising 3. I'm obsessed with the Dead Rising series, some of you may already know that but I basically spent the year 2010 playing Dead Rising.

6.) Heart rate monitor. Sometimes I dance around my kitchen or do silly dance moves while on my walks and I want to see if they make any difference in my activity (I'm certain they do but I want verification).

7.) Lips skirt. Enough said. Give me!

8.) Cadbury Roses Tin. I haven't had these since I was a little girl and I desperately want to have them again. Please, fill my mouth with cadbury chocolate this year!

9.)  Doc Marten Mary Janes. I've ALWAYS wanted a pair of these. I wear a size 11, make it happen.

10.) Mindless Faith. A band I have newly discovered and am totally obsessed with.

I didn't put numbers on the second list so I'll just visually go down the list.

11.) Green zipper cargo pants. I've been coveting these for about two years, I'll take them in black, green, and red please.

12.) Moon t-shirt. I am obsessed with anything moon, crescent moon, the night sky, or stars.

13.) Lips scarf. Everything I seem to want is either moon oriented or has lips all over it.

14.) Leopard Scarf. I think this color pattern would look lovely paired with my red hair.

15.) Cherry Bomb Cardigan. Cardigans, cherries, and sassiness. How could you beat that?

16.) Lucky Brand Jeans. I got my first pair of Lucky Brand Jeans a bit ago and I'm totally in love, most flattering jeans I've ever worn and super comfy too.

17.) Long pencil skirt. 

18.) Glittery boots. No explanation needed.

19.) T-strap heels. I've been on an endless search for a pair of T-strap heels that look somewhat comfortable for my heel intolerant feet.

20.) Brown boots.

21.) ASICS running shoes. I need some good quality comfortable workout shoes.

I made my lists in polyvore so anything can be found by clicking on the image. I'd like to say this is half of what I want but it's not, for further proof of that, go to my Amazon Wishlist.

Merry Holidays everyone.

Saturday, December 14, 2013
Hello there, so this isn't the normal sort of post I make but I have been thinking of making a post like this for awhile now because this is something I feel really strongly about. I think the real reason I felt compelled to make this post is because I was bullied extensively in middle and high school, more so in high school then in middle school. The bullying got so bad that I started skipping school in grade 10 and ended up dropping out around grade 11. It is not something I am proud of or advocate (skipping school and dropping out) but at the time it was the only coping method I knew to do. Going to teachers and telling my parents never made a difference and so I spiraled into a deep depression and had ridiculous anxiety that continues to this day. I know I'm, sadly, not unique in this experience. I've met so many people who were also bullied at one point or another and have come across many bright people who also ended up dropping out because of bullying.

In my beginning years of school I was quite popular with the other students, I was confident and silly and also a kind person. I'd like to say I was kind all the time but I know it's not true and it's something I really wish I could change. However, I went through puberty early (around 10), which was not the least bit comfortable. In my mind, budding boobs equaled fat and fat equaled ugly and undeserving. A rocky relationship with a step-parent and acne didn't help either. I touched a little on these things in a few previous posts but I wanted to discuss it more at length because I know there are people who have experienced or are experiencing similar things and I want you to know you are not alone and I promise you, good people are out there! My years of bullying are still something that give me nervous pain in my stomach when I think or talk about it so I rarely discuss it with other people and I usually feel almost a sense of shame when I do speak of it... I'm not even sure why, it could be because I wish I had reacted differently or because I'm afraid that someone will read that I was bullied and treat me differently. I also feel somewhat like a failure for dropping out of school like I did, especially because I was always a good student. After seventh grade my math skills dropped dramatically but I maintained an A or a B in every other class. Okay, sometimes I got a C in gym but gym sucked. I did attend community college for almost two years but I never received a degree. Sometimes I wonder what I missed in the history, biology, English, and creative writing classes (those were my favorite classes, can you tell?) that I missed and it fills me with regret because I quite enjoyed those classes. Luckily I have found the time to read about history, attempt to brush up on my vocabulary and syntax, even do some creative writing in my own free time as an adult but I always feel a little behind for missing the time that I missed. I'm even thinking of jumping back on that pogo stick by taking some college classes.

This morning I came across this post on tumblr and then this video on youtube and I highly recommend you watch it.

It is still hard to watch things like this because I remember what it felt like to have an entire class or even "friends" clam up, ignore, or even walk away from me while I was being bullied. I'm not entirely sure what hurts worse, the vitriol of the bullies or the silence or even laughter from the people who were witnessing it going on and didn't do a single thing to stop it. In the beginning of the bullying I mostly ignored it or would even, shamefully, cry. As time when on I fought back by hitting (after a student punched me really hard in the head), threatening, and cursing at the bullies. None of it really worked.

The main message of what I want to say is that if you see something happening that you don't approve of, whether you're in school or at work or at the grocery store buying an almond croissant, please say something. Speak up, it can mean all the difference in the world and even if it doesn't, at least the victim will not feel like their left alone to fight their battles. Bullying leaves eternal scars on your psyche that never truly go away and bullying changes and touches many of our lives. Teach your kids (or future kids) to stand up for someone who is being victimized, teach yourself to stand up for someone who is being victimized, and never be shy to disagree with something you know is wrong. Studies have shown that when a bully is stood up to by another person, they usually cease their activity. I can't personally imagine or understand what it would take to be a bully but the type of behavior they exhibit does not demonstrate contentment, courage, or confidence. 

I'm a realistic person and I know people aren't always going to get along but if only one person decides to speak up one time, it would be worth it. I want to assure those of you who are still suffering that I am suffering too but my life is so much better than I ever imagined it would be. I have a supportive fiancee, fabulous friends, a warm house, and live a pretty happy life now. Only you can control where you decide to take your life, I'm almost 30 years old and I know I'm still affected by my past - I still get nervous in crowds, I still battle depression and anxiety, I still sometimes get a sense of dread walking past a school or a group of giggling kids, and job interviews are very hard. I'm still afraid to meet new people or share my past with them but I promise you it gets easier and easier. Do everything you can to be who you want to be and live a full satisfying life because ultimately your success and happiness is the biggest "fuck you" to the people who treated you wrongly.

Monday, October 21, 2013
So, I want to talk fitness. That isn't exactly true, I want to talk about workout wear because I don't really care for the rest of the fitness/workout aspect but I do enjoy shopping for new clothes and accessories. As some of you may know I've incorporated working out into my weekly life, I almost typed "daily" but ha to the HAHA that isn't going to happen anytime soon/ever. The only way I'd gladly workout daily is if the world turned into the opposite of Footloose and you were required to dance everywhere you went - that would be one ridiculous world, lets make this happen!

You Better

Anywho, I've discovered a few things since working out/being alive. First, most sports bras are not made for the busty. I do it the hard way (I'm poor, dammit) and wear a regular bra and a sports bra for support but there still is some bouncing going on with this set up. I've read about some supportive bras for the busty amongst us but can't budget them in yet. Two, most workout wear is made small and very form fitting. They make workout tank tops with built in bras and I have no idea who these built in bras really support. Granted, I might be able to wear them but they wouldn't be comfortable or appropriate for a lady with all my business. Three, I never wear anything but black bottoms because yet again, too much business going on, I already feel a little exposed in my yoga pants. Four, comfort is key! Comfortable breathable materials that aren't too short or bothersome are perfect for working out. Five, the workout outfits for women never come with friggin pockets! I always end up carrying around my phone, headphones, water bottle, towel, and sometimes lip gloss (don't hate, I have easily chapped lips... probably because I apply lip gloss too often). Wearing a hoodie to workout in gets too hot sometimes but I'm thinking of getting one of these so I feel a little less like a pack mule. Six, everyone at the gym wears the same outfits. Okay, well, not EVERYONE... I mean I did see a guy working out in a over-sized cable sweater and jeans a few weeks ago but other than that it is mostly a sea of similarities. I usually end up at the gym for a good 2 and half hours and although I'm not trying to impress anyone I still feel more pumped fake jogging on an elliptical while staring at an episode of Storage Wars in a cute outfit. Seven, I seriously loathe ear buds, why do they cause so much agony? I'd like to meet the person that came up with this ear bud idea and throw them into a pit with old banana peels. So, yeah, headphones are a must because gym music suckkkkks. Oh, and eight... don't forget your water bottle! Fogging (fake jogging) makes you thirsty.

I put together a few looks I liked on polyvore, I love me some converse (that might be obvious...) although I doubt they're really suited for the hardcore runners but luckily I'm not one of those people - walking, cycling, fogging, and weight lifting is as far as I've go. I'd size up or buy the shirts over-sized for a comfortable fit but that's just me, I also like basics in bright colors and typically hate every inspirational shirt I see but that's only because I'm a cynical bastard and something about going to the gym makes me even more sardonic than I typically am. Even though, I admit I feel pretty dandy after a good fogging session. Well, go forth my grasshoppers, wear some retina stinging shades of pink and bounce your business to Ace of Base.

Work it 2

Sunday, September 22, 2013
Current guilty pleasure: Don't judge me, or do, but I've been craving hot dogs non-stop lately :( I don't even like hot dogs that much, I don't understand it. My body has a mind of it's own.

Current nail color: Black and Silver. I seriously need to paint my nails every single friggin time I do these posts. I need to get my shit together.

Current playlist:  Black No 1 - Type O Negative / Bulbform - Trust / Shoom - Trust / Candy Walls - Trust / Heaven - Trust / Sulk - Trust / Lose it - Austra / What Have We Done - Austra / Forgive Me - Austra / Hurt me Now - Austra / Suffocation - Crystal Castles / Under your Spell - Desire

I am completely obsessed with this band, Trust. I've said this on like every social media site I am apart of so I suppose my blog was the next one. 

Current drink: Water with Lemon, Blood Orange, and Mint.

Current food: Dark chocolate morsels.

Current Favorite TV Show: Boardwalk Empire!! Can we talk about how gorgeous the costumes and sets are? I love the everything about this show.

So dreamy.

Current wish list: Old Navy Tiered Eyelet Skirt // Boo Bat Sweater // Simply Be Purple Sequin Lace Dress // Tripp Skull Skinny Jeans // Torrid Lace Shorts // New Look Black Lace Fringe Kimono // Sleeveless Heart Print Top // Sparkly Converse // Animal Jacquard Dress -GIMME- // Old Navy Pajama Pants in Bat Print // New Look Black Faux Fur Collar Waterfall Jacket // Polka Dot Peplum Dress // Robo and Rocker Retro Dress // Eshakti Floral Flounce Heath Dress // Emerald Earrings // Polar Heart Rate Monitor // Eyeball Lights // ASICS Gel 15 // Trust - Trst // Gym Membership // Workout Clothes

Current needs: 9PM to get here already, my fiance and I are going to the gym after he gets off work.

Current triumphs: I've lost 30lbs! Not like this, I have both my arms at this current time, but it did made me giggle thinking of this. Anyway, my jeans that use to fit the tightest are now loose, I am really excited! I even tried on my hidden away pile of clothes that were too small for me and a few of them fit again! Woohoo.

Current bane of my existence: Life ain't bad right now, I do hope my motivation for exercise continues, this week has been amazing in terms of motivation.

Current indulgence: White Chocolate Raspberry Truffle Swirl. I've been pretty good about not over-indulging this week, I have to ask myself at times, "WHO ARE YOU?"... this person surprises me.

Current blessing: Health, happiness, motivation, strength, and weight loss. Of course the normal players as well - Hero, Halo, Monkey.

Current outfit: Black Yoga Pants, Hello Kitty Socks, Pink Converse, Old Navy Tank Top, and Rob Zombie Band T-shirt.

Current excitement: Working out. Seriously, who are you? What did you do with Rachel?!

Current mood: Motivated.

Current link: 7 Ways your Grandmother Dressed Better Than You - (well, duh, I spend A LOT of time in my pajamas)

Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Wishlist - Sept 2013

Skater dress
$57 - simplybe.ie

Skull cardigan

White shirt

Black jacket


Black studded pumps

Bing Bang navajo earrings

Bow hair accessory

It is amazing how many beautiful things are available in this world, isn't it? I should be heading to Florida tomorrow for a brief visit with friends and family, I'm pretty excited. I can't wait to see everyone down there and to put my feet in the ocean. Oh, lookie now, I found two other things to put on my wishlist - Tiered Eyelet Skirt and Halloween Printed Pants. What is everyone else wishing for this month?

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Current guilty pleasure: I wish I could say this is a short list but it is not, it is probably a toss up between: Rita's Cotton Candy Italian Ice, Lemon Cake, Baked Macaroni and Cheese, and Peanut Butter M&M's which confuse and titillate me at the same time... they aren't Reese Pieces but they are essentially the same thing...

Current nail color: Essie - Licorice (black) and Essie - Beyond Cozy (sparkles).

Current playlist:  Yes, it is absolutely incredible how one blog can have so many mentions of one Sexy Saxyphone playing man. Also, who takes a kid to a boardwalk party at night with shirtless men? God, get it together, Star!

I Still Believe - Tim Cappello / People are Strange - Echo and the Bunnymen / Lost in the Shadows - Lou Gramm / Cry Little Sister - Gerard McMann / Where is my Mind - Pixies / I'm Gonna Get You - Bizarre Inc feat Angie Brown / Midnight City - M83 / Under your Spell - Desire

Yo, DJ, Pump this Party. Ugh, my childhood was full of some pretty dance-tastic music.

Current drink: Water with sliced lemon and mint.

Current food: I will give you a hint, they are round and full of peanut butter.


Current Favorite TV Show:  The Sopranos. I know, I'm late to the game. All I have to say thus far is, mallards. I'm currently on season 3 but I've read all the spoilers.

This movie, For a Good Time, Call... made me giggle and it's on my wishlist.

Current wish list: New Look Victoriana Blouse // Clear Your Head Shaker Set // Elomi Caitlyn Bra // New Look Suedette Waterfall Jacket // ASOS Pleated Leggings // Musical Staff Meeting Cardigan // F21 Street Chic Feather Leggings // Tattoed Mermaid Umbrella // Baseball Tee // Peplum Sweater // Trouser Jean // New Look Diamante Bow Ballet // Embroidered Border Dress // Jersey Waterfall Zip Pocket Jacket // Black Polka Dot Layered Dress // Sienna Keyhole Peplum Top // City Chic Sequin Wrap Dress // City Chic Stripe Blazer // ASICS Gel Cumulus Running Shoes in Purple // For a Good Time, Call Blu-Ray // Kevin Hart - I'm a Grown Little Man // Monster High Draculaura Shoes // Workout top in Purple Heather // Black Yoga Pants // Red Layered Skirt // Panache Underwired Sports Bra // Panache Andorra Bra in Carribean // Cadbury Roses Tin // Rockstar Zip Pocket Jeans in Green // Twill Ankle Pants in Polka Dot // Polka Dot Pencil Skirt //


Current needs: To stop eating the bad things. Just, stop, it!

Current triumphs: I've lost 25lbs but we'll see if that sticks considering my addiction to putting all the wrong things in my mouth. On the plus side, I worked out an hour yesterday so yay me.

Current bane of my existence: Chocolate, cheese, pasta, cake, italian ice, and cats peeing on carpets!

Current outfit: Garfield t-shirt and Old Navy pajama bottoms with hearts and lions.

Current excitement: Hopefully some hiking. Halloween decor and decorating my house.

Current mood: Awake and pretty snappy.

Current link: Deepstaria Enigmatica Jellyfish

Tuesday, August 20, 2013
It has been awhile since I've updated you on my Monster High collection and I am really behind on my plans to share pictures of the entirety of my collection (current) but our display room is still a disaster, actually it's a growing disaster because my Mother brought me all my stuff from my childhood room from her house and I still haven't gotten around to unpacking it (or finding a place for all of it). Anywho, I thought I'd share some pictures of my newest dolls, although to be perfectly honest this is only part of them.

These are my most recent ones (bought over the weekend), I found them at Walmart and I about died of excitement when I saw this Venus McFlytrap (bright pink hair), I absolutely adore her outfit. Part of my excitement was that I had no idea this four pack even existed and that is quite an oddity because I follow Monster High pretty intently.

Twyla is one of the newest dolls released with the 13 Wishes line and I just had to have her.

I wanted this Mad Science Pack so badly when I saw it in Toys R Us awhile back, especially because look at the dress Ghoulia is wearing, I don't know if you can tell but her dress is in a periodic table print. This set finally became mine a few weekends ago.

Last but not least (although the picture is really hard to tell) my finds and purchases from Target. They had the five pack Dance Class set including Gil (who is super hard to find!) for a bargain price and I couldn't pass on this Venus McFlytrap Dance Festival doll, who is quickly becoming my favorite doll. This Ghouls Night Out Spectra is so cute too, she his a little purple vinyl jacket and matching hat.

I honestly think I need an entire 3 feet shelf just for the dolls I've gotten recently. I probably should slow down and focus on adult things but these dolls are just so cute, I can barely help myself. Well, my cat is eating the curtains again so I better go.

Monday, August 19, 2013
Hey everyone, as usual I'm about a month in between posts but at least with that I have more news to update you with. In one of my last entries (here) I spoke about how I'm on a weight loss/improved health journey and I have now lost 25lbs! I was pretty excited because it was one of the short term goals I had set in my head and it is so great seeing my hard work pay off. My next short term goal is something between 35-40lbs so wish me luck. It is rough, I have been craving all the wrong things and my energy levels have been in the dumps but I'm slowly rolling through. I think with shows like 'The Biggest Loser' (of which I have never seen but I've heard how they work them out till they puke and demand immediate results) people have started to get some unrealistic views of weight loss in their heads - real weight loss takes time, a lot of permanent changes to your lifestyle, and a fuck ton of patience. I feel like this is taking forever but I know I'm going about it (with exception of a few bad days) the right way for me. One of my changes has been incorporating working out into my life which is not the easiest thing for me because to be honest I don't really care for it most of the time, I generally like walking/hikes but I hate going alone (so boring). I have been hitting up all the local parks for a walk or a hike with my fiance and it has been pretty good, I'm discovering some super picturesque places and seeing growing strength and agility in my body. Not to mention it gets me some new things to shop for - sports bras, yoga pants, running shoes, hiking shoes, cute workout tops, coordinating hats and sunglasses, etc.

A few weekends ago my fiance and I went to Riverbend Park and Great Falls Park. Our day at Riverbend was the best, the weather was amazing and we did a solid walk/hike for about 2 hours. I was exhausted about 3/4ths of the way through but I felt pretty amazing afterwards.

Sadly, our day at Great Falls wasn't quite as majestic since it started to rain and walking in the rain when you wear glasses is so irritating but the views at Great Falls are ridiculous. Great Falls was also jam packed full of humanity but it is kinda understandable considering the view.

Besides all that, my little sisters came to visit two weekends ago and we had a pretty good time, the visit was too brief but my little sister, Megan, had band camp starting on that Monday so we had to cut our visit short. I really enjoyed having them though and I was really bummed when they left. My little sister, Becky, is going into her senior year of high school so I'm trying to squeeze in as much time with her as I can before she goes off to college *sniff* they grow up so fast *sniff*. They really do, I remember the struggle of trying to put toddler shoes on her feet.

The weekend before Becky and Megan visited was my Fiances birthday so I threw a party at our house with friends. We played 'Cards Against Humanity', ate lemon cake and macaroni and cheese, and carried on as we tend to do.

I'm hoping to visit another park Wednesday or Thursday for a hike/walk/exploration that we didn't end up getting to this past weekend because of construction and maybe (fingers crossed) a visit to Ikea for some stuff around the house. On another note, some stores are already putting out their HALLOWEEN stuff out  so Halloween shopping and decorating has begun. I love Halloween, it cannot come sooner in my opinion.

Sunday, July 14, 2013
Current guilty pleasure: Biting my fingers while I'm on the computer. It seems I have an oral fixation, I have little bruises on my pinkie and thumb from biting them. Does anyone else do this? I feel like such a weirdo.

Current nail color: Pink sparkly! Yes, it is a minor miracle that I'm wearing pink nail polish. I can't remember the brand.

Current playlist:  Aesthetic Perfection - The Siren / Alice Cooper - No More Mr. Nice Guy / Agnoize - Sexual Violation / Morphine - Honey White / Morphine - I Had my Chance / Morphine - Murder for the Money

Current drink: Nada, I bought some mint though so think of making mint tea or mint water.

Current food: Sweet Breakfast Quinoa(something like this I'm thinking for breakfast)

Current Favorite TV Show: I haven't really been watching much TV since GoT and Mad Men's seasons were up.

Current wish list: New Look Victoriana Blouse (Both colors) / Patent Lips Clutch / Modcloth Roadside Attraction Dress / Torrid Twist Tee in Black Space Dye / Modcloth Clear your Head Shaker Set / Elomi Caitlyn Bra in Multiple Colors / Haribo Super Mix / Magnetic Spice Rack / Lego Monster Sets (ALL) / Lego Galaxy Squad (ALL) / Lego Chima

Last Purchases: Thrift Finds: Steve Madden Black Patent Leather Mary Jane Heels / Black Leather(ish) Purse / Black and White Skirt // Not pictured, arm full of books. // Torrid Open Front Caridgan (IT SPARKLES)Torrid Daisy Overlay Cami - it is finally mine! / Torrid Peplum Black Mesh Top (couldn't find it on website)

Current needs: Breakfast and water

Current triumphs:
I've lost another 2.6 lbs. 16 lbs total thus far! Woohoo.

Current bane of my existence: Sunday. Sundays are my Mondays and me hate them.

Current indulgence: I've been going a little gummi crazy the last few days and I can't get enough of these!

Current blessing: Monkey. Halo. Hero. Cooperating body. Our lovely house.

Current outfit: Yesterday will have to do since I'm in my pajamas: Torrid Daisy Overlay Cami, Forever 21 + Black Jeans, Black Cardigan, Black chain necklace, engagement ring, favorite Target earrings, electric blue belt from Target, and favorite flip flops.

Current excitement: Food. I'm hungry.

Current mood: Hungry! Haha.

Current link: Dyatlov Pass Incident. It's just interesting and bizarre.

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