Monday, October 13, 2014
As most of you know, I have been blogging for awhile and have never posted an OOTD of the day picture. I've come close once but this time I'm going to take the leap and try it. It's still not a full body shot, baby steps!!, but it is a huge step for me. Despite following almost exclusively all fashion bloggers I felt too shy and scared to take the leap to sharing pictures of my body but I'm sick of being scared. My weight has always been a sore spot for me but honestly I'm not ashamed anymore.

I'm fat, not the fattest I've ever been (that was a bit ago, have lost 25.3lbs since then) and I've been smaller too (at my smallest I wore a size 10/12). I have cellulite, acne scars, very large boobs, a tummy, large arms, and very pale skin but I think I'm beautiful. I'm far from my ideal but if I stay this size for the rest of my life it won't be the worst thing in the world. Life is too short to hate yourself and to be harsh to other people. I joke a lot (defense mechanism on top of a genuine love of laughter and a want to make other people laugh) but I try not to be insulting to people. 

I have been all sizes of average, chubby, and fat and people will judge you no matter what size you are so fuck it, love yourself. Be around people who don't hurt you and who don't make you feel shitty about yourself. Never stop improving and don't be afraid to speak up when someone says something hurtful to you. I will never be a size 4 and I honestly don't want to be, I don't think there is a single thing in the world wrong with being a size 4 but I do think it is wrong to tell other people what their body should and should not look like! 

I have been counting my calories for a total of 532 days and I rarely overeat (do I sometimes? yes. We all do. Food is good). I feel pretty good when I exercise and want to do it more often but I don't feel like I deserve to not be treated fairly because I'm not thin, or don't always eat what people think I should, or active enough according to society. I'm human, I'm fat, and I'm fucking beautiful. If you don't agree, that is your opinion and I don't want it. I don't need it. I just had a full physical and I could use some improvements but overall I'm in good health so don't even start on that.

I was a size 14/16 all throughout high school and I was a mess, I had my insecure days and my days of confidence. People told me sometimes that I was fat/big/ugly and sometimes that I was attractive. I was desperate for validation, I wanted love so badly and I let people mistreat me over and over again because I thought I couldn't do any better. People also do and say things without thinking sometimes, people don't always intend to be hurtful but you shouldn't ever feel like you deserve it. Take no shit but be nice whenever possible. That is what I try to live by. Ideally I would like to be a size 14/16 again, a size 10/12 would be my dream size but I'm not certain I want to do all the work to get to that size (I'm just being honest).

Here is my OOTD (not the greatest photo but be patient with me) even though I was just playing dress up, I'm actually in my pajamas.

Faux leather skirt: Forever 21, size 20.
Brown booties: Target, size 11.
Green leopard print top: Torrid, size 2. 
Electric blue belt: Target, size 2X.
Fitted faux leather jacket: Thrifted. I think it's a Target Brand. Size... erm... I can't remember now. 1X I think.


Courtney Erin said...

We all have things about ourselves that we dislike (well, most of the time that we downright hate). I've actually found the experience of blogging has been really good for me in terms of self-love. I've actually learned through blogging to be nicer to myself and appreciate my body more, even the things that I don't like. And I'll just add to that I think you look killer in these photos - that dress is really great (gotta love leopard!) and you look pretty sexy in it. I still can't work up the confidence to wear really fitted things (I hate my chest) so I've got a lot of respect for you.

Courtney ~ Sartorial Sidelines

Honeysuckelle said...

Indeed and we live in a society that doesn't really encourage a healthy self-esteem, especially in those of us who are female. Same here and I am extremely grateful to it and I'm so glad you've had growing self-love as well. Thank you so much, I love that green leopard get-up but I must say I've only worn it two times because I do get a bit self-conscious about how much bewbie it shows. I use to wear fitted things all the time but I've started dressing a little more comfy in the past few years but I think I'll continue to pull out the sexy gear from time to time. You are beautiful and I hope that if you want to wear fitted things, you do it <3

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