Thursday, January 19, 2012

First off, I want to say Happy Birthday Ninja Blog! I got you all party hats! Now put it on and like it, or no cake! Anytime I say "Happy <insert special occasion here>" I picture someone in a corner, with a complete dead-pan look on their face, blowing on one of these little things -- what are these things actually called? Party blower (can't believe that doesn't bring up porn, all roads on the internet lead to porn, or that's what I've noticed) or noisemakers is all I could come up with *shrugs*.

I can't believe I started this blog a year ago. I had and still have no real expectations for my blog, I just wanted a place I could talk about things, meet and connect with all sorts of people from all over the world, and explore my interests. I still have no freakin clue what I want to do with my blog, as probably evident from my entries and their lack of consistency. I read mostly fashion blogs but I'm not that interested in fashion -- I like to look pretty, I love shopping, I like girly stuff, but that wasn't my main focus for starting this blog. I'm not ...really sure what my main focus was. I'm not one of those people who has my life figured out, I have barely figured out who I am. I don't always have answers for why I do things or what I want but I know that at the end of the day that I am okay with not knowing. Of course I struggle with it sometimes, there are things I hope I figure out eventually. I know I'm not 18 years old but I'm not dead either, there is no deadline. I don't feel pressure to be this or that because of the amount of years I've been on the earth. I don't feel like when I turn 30 I have to stop wearing certain things, listening to certain things, watching certain things, going to certain places, etc. I think people should do whatever the fuck makes them happy. Oh f-bomb dropping, it's F for EMPHASIS. I see it as the possibilities are endless (well somewhat, I'll never be in the Olympics or be a runway model, I know that much).

I've been inspired by the honest posts that so many of you had made, I know it isn't easy to be frank like this because I literally have a knot in my stomach at the thought of sharing this with you. 

My life has always been a bit of a roller coaster ride but then again I think most peoples lives are. I've had many jobs, most of which I really didn't care for, some of which I wasn't really that great at. I've had people go in and out of my life, some were positive experiences, some were negative experiences - most were a combination of both. I dated guys who were all wrong for me or treated me poorly until I met my boyfriend. When I met my boyfriend I had been through(in close succession) a friends with benefits situation that was really hurtful (I wasn't capable of keeping my feelings out of the situation) and a horrible relationship with a sociopath; needless to say I wasn't looking to be with anyone when I was kinda set up (long story) with my boyfriend. However, we clicked instantly and he was and is the best man I've ever known.  I'm not a very trusting person so I know I can be a hard person to be with or be friends with, I tend to be a bit closed off. I like to socialize but I need my distance from it sometimes because I find it draining in large doses. I try really hard to hide my emotions with sarcasm and humor, if I do display an emotion (besides annoyance, I seem to have no problem talking about or showing someone I'm annoyed with something) to someone I feel a sense of shame afterwards. It is a struggle to share my emotions, open up, and trust people. I feel like if I am interacting with someone I have to be humorous, I don't know why I feel that way, I just do. I don't even know if other people think I'm funny, I just want to hear them laugh, snort, giggle, pee themselves in a fit of hysterics, or see them smile.  I don't have the greatest perception about myself, I just assume everyone thinks I'm a weirdo. I feel like if someone is laughing at something I said they won't focus on the flaws I always feel desperate to hide from them. I guess my main goal in life is to be happy and comfortable with myself, learn as much as I can about anything I have an interest in, see new places, meet as many good and interesting people as I can, and have as much fun as I possibly can; however I am aware that responsibility can trump happiness at times. I guess my point is that life is always changing, sometimes for the better and sometimes not. I still don't know where I'm headed or what I'll do, I don't have this weekend planned let alone one year from now, I know no matter where I go or what I do I will have to do laundry (damn clothes, can't they learn to clean themselves?) and that I'll love cats.

I think we all just want to know that there are other people out there who have and are going through the same things as we have, who like and enjoy the same and similar things, and who find people interesting.  So yeah, I hope this made sense, I feel like it was all over the place. "Wah, stop doubting yourself, WAH". Here is to another blogging year! Thanks for sticking with me, I really appreciate all of your comments and even if you don't comment, I appreciate the read. I am constantly inspired by the blogs and bloggers I read and come across and I hope I can do/be the same.


ShyScout said...

Congrats on the one year of blogging! I hope that I am able to keep up with it like you have.

I still have no clue what to write about either :-/ I just have done outfit posts because it seems like that is what everyone else does? And I post pictures of my pets because I am obsessed haha. You have a voice on your blog and that is what is nice. You are true to yourself and that is all that matters. I still have a lot to learn about the blogging world.

I tend to be a hermit and that is probably why I turn to blogging. But it is good to open up to others when you can - the world can be a scary place but there are good people out there :]

Courtney Erin said...

Congrats on one year - and I enjoyed hearing (well, reading I guess) a bit more about you. And I love your life philosophy - love!

Courtney ~

Bonnie said...

Congratulations, love!!! I'm so proud of you for accomplishing the one-year mark. :)
Twitter: @GlamKitten88

Laura Go said...

Hey Happy blogaversarry! and here's to another awesome year! Cheers!

And I really like that you've focused on making yourself happy and doing the stuff you want to do. :) I need to work on that meself.

Have a lovely weekend!
♥ laura
the blog of worldly delights

Arielle said...

Happy Birthday to your blog! (Buy it something pretty). I adore this post. I loved your comment on my College Drop-out post and this kinda elaborated on it. I like how you don't feel rushed or scared about hitting 30. I love your sense of humor and your inconsistent posts :P

Honeysuckelle said...

@ShyScout- Thank you, I hope you keep up with your blog as well, you have a great blog. I feel like such a crap blogger, I don't know how anyone reads it lol. Most of the time I feel like I should have just named the blog verbal diarrhea (graphic). I've been trying to get the nerve to post outfit of the day pictures but I just can't do it, I get anxiety just thinking about it.

I agree with you that I think all you can do is make your blog your own and completely what you want it to be! It is your space and no one elses. The world is definitely a scary place and I definitely hide in my shell the majority of the time too. Thank you so much for commenting and I'm so glad I came across your blog and that you came across mine.


@Courtney Erin- Gracias! I was so nervous about talking about myself, I always feel like I'm being arrogant if I talk about myself too much. I like getting to know the people behind the blogs I read and I thought I'd share a little about myself even if it is against the ninja instincts. Thanks so much for being such a loyal reader and commenter, I truly appreciate it and look forward to all the sweet things you have to say.


@Bonnie- Thank you Glam Kitten! I wonder what next years posts are going to be about, probably the same random stuff I post about now...

New movies, experiences, baked goods, and clothes, I look forward to those things the most! Thank you so much for commenting and the well wishes.


@Laura Go- Yay, thank you! Sometimes I feel selfish for focusing on my own happiness but I just don't see the point of life otherwise, why be unhappy? Life is short and goes by so quickly. Granted I've had my unhappy moments, we all have, some were definitely self inflicted and some were great learning experiences so I wouldn't change them. Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting! I really truly appreciate it. I hope you find all the happiness you could ever want.


@Arielle- I'm thinking about thrifting, it is does the blog body good. I'm so glad you like the post, I sat over the post and contemplated deleting it for hours, I was really afraid everyone would think I was being pompous.

I loved your college drop out post. I don't think 30 should be this scary age that everyone makes it out to be, it is just another year, and 30 is still young. I have a slight hesitation about it but mostly because I know other people are going to potentially make comments about my age but ah, fuck other peoples opinions. F for emphasis :P We all will eventually be 30 at one point or another *shrugs* so why stress about it.

Thanks so much for being so kind to me and thank you so much for reading and commenting like you do!


Thank you ladies, you are the best!

Amber said...

Happy Blog Birthday! I always enjoying reading your posts cause I know Im gonna laugh and walk away with a smile. I tend to hide behind humor too but I found that with age (oh god Im so old) it becomes easier to just be yourself. Cheers to year number 1!

Honeysuckelle said...

@Amber- Thank you so much. The blog was a pain in the ass all day, yelling things like "BUT IT'S MY DAY!". I really am so flattered that I make you or anyone giggle or smile. I'm glad someone understands about the humor, I feel like most of the people in my life I consider funny do the same thing. Humor is easy to hide behind and a lot of people don't see beyond it. I've always felt like its easier to make a joke about things than have to deal with them. Plus its easier to focus on trying to entertain or make someone else happy. I hope with age and maturity I'll be able to balance things a little more. I have to tell you, I really love your blog, I love your sense of style and your sense of humor. I'm so glad to have found your blog and I want to thank you for reading and commenting on my ridiculous posts :)!


Thick Threads said...

YAY!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUR BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOOP!

party blower, sounds like an amazing occupation ;)

anywhozers! yah i totally unerstand the whole "not knowing what to do with the blog" and you know thats ok. because its your blog. you can just make it a place that is special for you, with whatever is on your mind, thats what makes it great. i really love reading your blog, your posts are funny and entertaining, and they lead me to awesome things like "bitchin kitchen" yeah! wah!? . there deffinitely is no deadline just have fun with it!

I have the same problem with showing emotions, the shame feeling afterwards is the same with me too, but i kinda tell my self that its totally ridiculous and just kind of brush it off, i've been working on it, its not easy so i get where youre coming from with that for sure.

Keep doing what makes you happy and you totally do make me laugh all the time soi can tell you that you ARE funny, since thats one of your worries. You'll do great I know it, because you've gotten this far with it all! :) Keep it up ( i feel like I'm signing your year book, "you're cool, keep it up, have a cool summer" i hope it made sense though)

now where is my cake? you can mail it if you want :D


Honeysuckelle said...

@TT- The blog is still pouting in the closet because they have to wait a year for another birthday. Diva Blog :P Haha yeah, being a party blower does sound like an amazing job. I'd love to get paid to go to parties, actually, I guess it depends on who is at the party...

I'm so appreciative for the support, understanding, and loyalty of fabulous ladies such as yourself. I'm so glad that you like "Bitchin Kitchen," it is a really great show. That is one of my favorite things about blogging, besides being introduced to great people, seeing what other discoveries and great things others have found. I made one of the recipes from BK once but I kinda messed it up (didn't have the right kind of cheese). D'aww, I'm so flattered you find me funny and like my blog. I always read my blog after and think "I'm a hot mess" haha.

I hate the sense of shame after sharing something personal, why should it be that way? Everyone is human, it's not a big deal. I really hope as time goes on and I get older that shame will go away.

Thank you so much for being so sweet and supportive <3 I don't have anyz cake, a pouch of famous amos cookies perhaps?


Gem said...

Hppy blog birthday ;)
I really enjot talking to all the other bloggers and being part of a little community. It's all rather lovely x

Honeysuckelle said...

@Gem- Thank you! I totally agree with you, I love speaking to all the great blog makers around the world. You were one of the blogs that gave me inspiration to start blogging! Thanks so much for commenting and reading!


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